The Reunion
by BreakingLucinda
Summary: The family photo was going to be under The Raving Bunch. Forget the Brady's. Into-The-Future Fic, some Nikki/Jonesy. NEW ENDING! NOW OFFICIALLY COMPLETE.
1. Verbal Dinner

Couldn't wait for this one. These last three days must've been the best of my life, watching our three families combined. I thought: 'Hey! We'd all interact so well as 30-somethings and our teen-something angel spawn, eating caviar and fancy cheese over the table. Maybe we'd have chocolate mousse and sing songs afterwards!'

Haha, that's me kidding. The family photo was going to be under The Raving Bunch. Forget the Brady's.

Now let's go over some background before jumping into story time, kids. These three families that were mentioned are the Masterson-Garcia family (maybe two, then?) and...well, me. But let's not forget Val, the kid stuck in the middle of all two/three of them. "Surprising, because there was nothing stuck between me and your dad 12 years ago." I would sometimes say to her jokingly. Val's nose always wrinkled and she shook in disgust all over.

I think that she gets that way every time I mention him. I don't blame her.

When I pulled up in the big house in Ontario, Kylie was already at the door, smiling like Satan South herself. Despite being Jen-and-Jonesy's-cute-baby-sister so many years ago, she had been grown to be Aunt Humiliation. Val even thought so; and I was sure because of the intense gulping right next to me. My hand grabbed her shoulder, giving it a quick pat.

"Don't let her bother you. I have all the naked baby pictures to embarrass her with if she messes with you." Val responded with a velvet snicker to my whisper, a big toothy smile casting over her face. It reminded me strongly of one I had known for so long. Maybe for too long.

However, a girl looking quite like Kylie came out, and I couldn't help but grin myself. Before I even realized it, I had bounced out of the car and to the front steps.

"Long time, no see!" I cheered, hugging my friend tight. Jen nodded, holding onto me for another second before releasing. "Same here, Nik. We really do need to keep our promises and see eachother more often!"

"Hey, you saw me in the Christmas card last month. Be nice." I giggled, wandering in. However, I had forgotten all about Val and her Arch-Enemy Aunt. From the story I heard, that heathery little princess came into the car, giggling away.

"Hello, VALERIE."

"Kylie Renee. So nice to see a change of heart."

'Kylie Renee' scowled, probably showing her teeth for how ferociously angry she got. "KIDS! KIDS!" a voice seemed to call everybody in like a magnet, including Kylie and Val.

*************

Everybody was in, chatting up a storm. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it started raining in there. Children were laughing, one was crying and the other adults were trying to ignore them. As was I. But all of a sudden, the world turned silent anyway and all I could see was feet. They were climbing down the steps, and my eyes wandered up that muscle-bound body, finally unto a soft, boy-ish face. It was that same half-grin that I had known too well; the everything-about-him that used to be mine. I couldn't stop my heartbeat because holy mother of God, it was Jonesy.

"What are you crying about? It's alright, you're fine." I heard him speak in the silence of the room. Anybody else could've scarcely heard him as he picked up a screaming little blonde boy. He looked about two years old, and that's when I remembered when...SHE was expecting a third last time I was here. When I got the announcement of his birth and the two other ones, when she got caught in a bed with him by Jude, when Wyatt sent on the break-up message afterwards and when Caitlin showed all the signs that she was up to something! Despite my brain being ravenous right then, I turned around as the volume turned back up.

My friends stared at me like I had an astronaut camp stuck up my ass.

"Are you feeling okay, Nikki?" Jen mumbled, her eyes piercing into mine. She looked like she was soul searching, trying desperately to find out what was wrong with me. But why was she asking when she knew, really?

"Eh, nothing. Just zoned." I wasn't lying. But what was a horrific reunion like this without them?

Val had been sitting at the table, listening to Alyssa tell some story about her first 'boyfriend' in second grade. Knowing her, she had rolled her eyes and nodded to the side, which somehow upset Kylie. "What was that, Valerie?"

"Hey, you interrupted my story!" Alyssa whined with a frown. The eldest at the kid table put her hand out, silently shutting up her niece. "Listen, if you're going to be at this table and in MY vacation house, you need to be nice to my family." I may be exaggerating, but I could imagine Kylie spitting this in her natural, bitchy way in my daughter's face. Despicable, of course, and Val knew it. So she scoffed, standing from her seat. "And I'm NOT family? We share blood lines, you know."

'And honestly, I'd love to cut them', I thought later hearing the story.

Kylie grinned. "Maybe by blood, but to us? You're only here because you are my brother's kid." It was Alyssa's turn to scoff, practically rabid at this statement. "I am, too! So does that mean I'm not fa-"

"You're family, Alyssa, and you are my favorite niece. Now be quiet." That girl spoke mechanically. "So what's the matter with me?" Val had spoken meekly, though I could imagine her trying to be brave. A sniff and a laugh came along. "Because you aren't like the other girls, or like Malcolm. You're here because Caitlin feels bad." That was the appetizer.

"The point?" Yet weaker again.

"Tell her, Lyssie. Don't you know better than me?" The mentioned pet, in response, whimpered and stared at the table. This was how it was all orchestrated, and it would come out of a reluctant kid's mouth. "Uh...m-my dad...he doesn't love you anymore because Malcolm, Emily and me replaced you. Kylie said so." At the last term, the mentioned girl glared, knowing that wasn't part of the plan.

"So what if she says so? Just because I'm not around him..."

"And that's WHY he's not around. Jonesy sent you and your mom off to some place in the US so he could have Caitlin instead. You aren't loved here at all: just in the blood lines. You know what they say..." And nobody knew what they said, because Val's fist slammed into the youngest Masterson's face with a loud bang. All turned silent, but this time not just for me. Everybody's head turned, including mine. Alyssa looked shocked, while Emily started to murmur something about blood on the carpet, even if she had been silent before then.

Before anybody could tell, there was scurrying to get to the kids and I was actually one of them. Before 16, I wouldn't have even bothered to see what happened. But I don't think Jonesy would have, either, and still wouldn't. He was standing there, looking from her to her, her to him like his brain had fell out his ears or something. Now that I look back, maybe he just didn't know who to save.

On one side there was a mob of people (Jen and Emma including) trying to drag their beloved, bawling Kylie into a bathroom to get her nose cleaned up, while only I tried to hold my daughter back. "Val! Stop it, will you? She's gone and I told you not to let her get to you!" But still, she strained and cried in rasping gasps trying to get away. If I had known what had happened, maybe I would have let my girl finish the job, but I held her in a death grip until she had finally gone to putty, slipping out of her defensive stance and crying softly. Bawls slapped from her stomach every now and again as others kept staring and staring. For all they were talking, it would be simply overcast because it was so silent.

Jonesy still stood there, looking stupidly at everybody. "Well, I...we're just going to forget that ever happened." My pulse sped up for the second time in an hour, but this time, I was enraged. ' "Let's just forget we ever had a relationship!" "We should just try not to remember how I couldn't handle a job back then." "Forget it, forget it, forget it!"' This was just another one of those denial lines from the 'new and improved' Jonesy Garcia. He had changed; changed horribly. I could barely realize I was glaring into his eyes then, until his fled to terrified. He knew when I was angry, even after years of being apart and only being together every two years. Caitlin said something in response, but I didn't hear a word she said. Hell, I didn't listen to anything she said anymore.

"Come on, Valerie. We're going back home." I mumbled into her ear, which she only whimpered in response. Hand-in-hand, the two of us walked out and I swear to God, I could feel the heat of gazing eyes on my back.


	2. Uncle Jude

I never made it home. After what I heard about the whole Kylie business, I wasn't sure if I could drive on anymore without turning back for a whole Nikki's Revenge-esque massacre. And the worst part was, even somebody else could tell I was about to rip some skin.

"There's always someone to take us in for the night." Val spoke a little more optimistically, taking out her cheap little pre-paid phone. I would've gotten something nicer, but Mom insisted she start with something pathetic for Christmas. It was a phone, I guess.

"And who, exactly, will take us?" I cocked up an eyebrow, unsure about Val's latest idea on how to get us out of something. But hey, she's good at distracting me.

"Uncle Jude, I hope. It's a little late, but he's chill like that, right?" Well, yeah. So she looked for my good old buddy (thank God, he hadn't changed in that fashion) on the phone book and got him after two rings.

"Hel-looooo?" I could hear him on the other line, which wasn't a big surprise. It was unlike Jude, 16 or 29, to be asleep at 10:30.

"Jude! The reunion didn't turn out so great, so Mum and I left. We can't hit home before late and she's gonna ki-"

And here comes the unfortunate honesty of children. "Val, don't say that!" I snapped, both literally and figuratively.

"Uh, pass out on the wheel, I mean. Really tired. So can we stay at your place for the night?" Oh, loads better; millions, in fact.

"Not a problem, little bra. We've got..." I didn't hear the rest, but it must have fit Val's fancy, because she agreed with "Sweet, thanks!" and hung up. As soon as I turned around to head onto Jude's little bungalow a few minutes away, the phone rang again. "Another Canadian number. It's not Uncle Jude's, either." For the second time, I pulled over with a little gasp. I whipped my hand out, demanding that she give over the phone.

And you just guess who it was.

I had no choice but to answer, though. There was no reason in ignoring him. "Yes?"

"Nikki, right?" Jonesy's voice stayed strong; didn't waver a bit. I sort of wished that it would just quiver a little.

"Yeah, it's me. What do you want?" I asked bitterly, glaring out into the dusk. Only pictures filled my head; a jumble of them messing up the sky.

"Look, what happened back there with the kids. Kylie's fine and Val isn't hurt or anybody else. Can't you come back?" I thought about it, if ever so briefly. Who would it benefit? Nobody I still care about. It wouldn't help me much to go back, either, or Jonesy/Kylie/Replacement Children.

"What do you think is the answer to that question, Jonesy? Honestly."

He paused, seeming to catch his breath a bit. Quaver Number 1. "No. Probably not."

"Exactly. And...wait, how'd you get this number in the first place?" I realized that he would normally have no idea what Val's number was. Hell, did he even know how old she was anymore? '"No. Probably not."'

"You left the number on that Christmas card you sent to Jen. Kylie didn't mean anything she said, you guys are..."

"...Wait, wait, wait. I didn't even put that number on the Christmas card." My eyes darted towards Val, whose eyes were darting around and her cheeks slightly flushed in the moonlight. Of course.

"That's not my point, Nikki! Just come back, it was just a little skirmish between your and Emma's kid!" Jonesy exclaimed desperately. Quaver Number 2 on my list, Rage Number 3 on a separate one of mine.

"You're wrong. It's not my problem, it's Val's problem. And you ought to remember, she's YOUR KID, too." I could feel my voice go lower, about ready to scream. I secretly wished Jude's house were right in front of me so I could go in and hide from my own anger.

And Jonesy was silent after that. I thought of him blubbering like a fish like he used to get when he was speechless. "Fine. At least it's not my problem. You can always come back within the next couple days and forget this discussion ever happened. You two won't be judged."

Back to the 'forget it' attitude. Jonesy, you silly boy. "Thanks, bye."

I sped back around to Jude's, keeping the phone clutched in my hand while I drove with the other. "What was up with the number on the card?" I questioned, shooting an interested look in Val's way.

"Uh...well." She started to play with her fingers, her blush even more obvious even against her dark skin. I totally knew what was coming up, 110 percent. Just to add to it, the reason for it is surprisingly not Valerie Garcia-like.

"I was sort of hoping...well, Aunt Jen and him would talk and she'd pick out the number..." For once, a disgusted expression didn't plague my daughter's face as she said 'him'. Not Jonesy, not Dad, just 'him'.

"And then maybe he'd talk to me?" The simple wish exposed everything, and I felt guilty to be half-angry that Val would want to wander back to the very person that left her. It was probably disappointment; something I didn't feel very often.

"Oh." I responded dully as I pulled in front of the small, sprightly little home that Jude had lived in the last year or so. He was outside, smiling and waving with a few other kiddies. Surprised, much? Yeah, this guy having kids was a bit shocking!

"Wow, you really are successful!" I said, appearing out of the driver's seat and up to the porch.

"I know, I have..." Silent counting with the fingers. "...21 kids tonight." Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

"You look like you just saw a ghost, Mom! It's alright if Jude has a nightime daycare, right?" I sighed after Val had told me. "Oh, thank God. I thought..."

Jude began to snicker, where I saw little glimpses of blonde hair making a teeny mustache. The only reason I could find why he was growing out one was to style it in funny ways for the kids. Jude had always been erratic, to say the least, but now he was into job-jumping. First, he tried to be a professional skater. He made it to the semis, but broke his leg. After recovering, he was *inspired* to become a nurse. Medical school became boring, so he went to being a janitor at the local elementary school. Onto teaching as a substitute after that, but the kids started to 'harsh his mellow' when Jude got to the junior high kids. Jude didn't like Mr. Lizowski anyway.

And now here he was: a home daycare, 24/7. I wondered how long this would last.

"Naw. I'm not gonna have little dudes for a while, bras. I'm chill with other peoples'." Maybe a little too chill for the crash and laughing I heard from inside the house. "Hey, you gotta be careful with the glass, bro!" He yelled behind his shoulder, where the little boy in question immediately fell to the floor and pretended to sleep.

"Great acting there." I mumbled, walking in and seeing what was like a gigantic living room. Toys, blankets and little kids were littered everywhere, even on the stairs. Teriyaki and chicken wings were lying around just as much, so it smelled of fresh meat and not-so-hot meat. "You maintain a clean place just as well as he acts, Jude." Val followed and I wondered how she was able to say a clear sentence for how horrible it smelled.

" I hope you clean this up regularly, Mr. Mom." There was my motherly scold, yet the tone of myself was there again. Jude seemed to realize that, and found it sort of funny. "Depends if you call every week regularly. But hey, the parents aren't mad at me, so it's all cool."

"Jude!"

"Nikki?" Jude responded to my disgust. I was silent for a moment, remembering how he only took showers every couple of weeks; the tent next to the pay phone waiting for his 'girlfriend'...I couldn't help but laugh reminiscing the good days. The friend standing in front of me grinned brightly. I hadn't noticed he had been smiling until it stretched across his face.

Val turned from the play piano that she took a bit of interest into, looking surprised. Had it really been long since I had laughed? Not giggled a little bit like earlier that day, but full-out started belting? "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, just remembering things that you don't." I finally calmed down enough to say, but still smiled as I realized that it was, ironically, a chicken wing that I was sitting on with the Australian girlfriend incident. Val's expression turned intrigued, just pleading for me to spill the beans. "What happened?"

Hurricane Kid-trina hit Jude, young ones from toddlers to tweens around Val's age gathering. "What happened?" "Tell us the story!"

"Okay, sit down, sit down, dudes...I'll tell the story." Jude pulled out a chair and sat down, looking sure of himself. "Well, what happened was...wait, I don't know what happened. You gotta say what happened." Wow, look how quickly the job gets thrown onto me, kiddos!

Jude jumped out of the chair, sitting on the floor with the rest of the children as I slid into it. "Er...I guess it started like this..." Even as awkward as it was at first explaining the long distance relationship of Callie and Jude, I seemed to get more and more into the story of how obsesssed these kids' caregiver was about a girl he'd never seen.

"...and then I had to tell him that she went to the Austrailian Astronaut Program." I explained, and Jude looked wide-eyed and shocked. "What?" I asked.

"Callie didn't really go?!" All of the kids started laughing. That is, the ones that were still awake; little did anybody realize, half of the crowd had fell to a peaceful sleep. Jude seemed to realize this, too, as he glanced at his watch. "Whoa, it's almost midnight! Time for bed, bros and bras." The older kids murmured in agreement, yawning as they picked up their younger playmates and put them in cots. More and more kids started to exit to their beds afterwards, all except for Val. She lied face up, shoulder-cut hair framing around her face. Under the moonlight of the window, it's pitch black looked navy blue.

The funny thing was, I never noticed it looked blue. Was it just me?

While I was at it, I remembered the weeping brown eyes I bore into as I immediately started moving out of Ontario. Did they always look like stars? Were they always the color, the texture of her very skin?

I almost thought 'No. She's not that.' But I knew that she was everything I hoped she wasn't. It pissed me off, but God, I was so glad I could love somebody like him again. I'm pretty sure that was my last concrete thought before I nodded off for the night.


	3. Love

"Mom? Mom, get up. Just for a second…"

That's what woke me up at the crack of dawn later on. I could tell because the sky was starting to turn lavender instead of dark blue. Dark blue. I shivered slightly, remembering last night's unsettling, eh, thing.

I looked behind Val, seeing spots of dark red on the carpet, then seeing more along her sweats. Of course; it had to happen eventually. "There's some stuff in my backpack. Clean yourself up, you know how to do it." I mumbled, closing my eyes again and starting to doze.

I heard footsteps go to the bathroom and back within seconds, it seemed. Somehow, I knew it was minutes instead. What got me wide-awake, however, was the fact that I didn't hear my backpack go back to where it was. Instead, Val left it by her side, looking at a little book intently.

"Hey! What are you snooping into?" I whispered harshly. It bothered me when she was getting into my things. Certain situations she didn't need to know about yet could be found.

But still, Val whipped her head around with her eyes wide in surprise. "This little photo album you have. Who knew that you had purple hair?" she murmured back, smiling. "Why didn't you keep it?"

I shook my head, putting a hand to my face. "If my hair were as purple as the social worker's garden, individuality would be the only thing I had." She rolled her eyes, knowing I was talking about her.

"Oh please. I know you'd rather have the purple hair and piercings than little old me." Thanks for the guilt trip, kid, but it's not true.

"Oh please." I repeated in the same tone, "I would much rather have little old you than my punk look." And then my look turned sober again. "Seriously. There's other ways to be an individual than dying your hair funny colors and having eight piercings. Do you understand what I mean?"

Val nodded, seeming so serious herself. Where had all the time gone? I hadn't thought I'd be telling my daughter this so quickly: it felt like she was falling on her butt trying to walk last week. Now she was practically a teenager. I couldn't help but reach out for her and hug her tight to me. If I were to let go, how fast would the time go by again? I didn't dare for now.

"Will you just quit growing up, Val?" I asked, laughing in a sad sort of way.

"I could try, but it wouldn't do much good." Right then, I understood why my mom always cried when I got a year older. While I didn't, I did feel that I needed to.

"Love you." It was the only way I could respond to that. "Me, too." Val spoke after a few seconds, letting go of me. That was when I realized Val didn't hear me say that a lot. NOBODY heard me say that much at all. I loved Kylie, even though she'd gone demonic in the last few years. She was a nice girl once upon a time. Jen and Jude were two other people, since they had been there for me since all that trouble started.

Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I loved Jonesy like I hadn't ever before. In a twisted way, I loved his replacement children, too; simply because they _were _him. The Caitlin part pissed me off and I didn't like her anymore (if I ever did to amazing levels), but I could still see that man in them.

But wait. If I adored these people so much, why wasn't I with them? That was the question that pushed me to gather up not only my daughter, but his, and go back to that reunion I had left the previous night.

_Jude, _

_Thank you so much for letting Val and I stay for the night. You're a real dude. Keep up the daycare business and DON'T QUIT THIS TIME! _

_Nikki & Val _

_P.S. Sorry about the sauce in the carpet. The two of us got hungry and ate some of those wings. But you're cleaning every week, right? _

_(_Might as well leave him something to do.)

By the time sunrise was overhead, our car was parked back at the Ontario house. You could hear some obnoxious bubblegum pop from the outside, which made me cringe even then. Val didn't seem too thrilled by Lindsay Lohannigan, either.

"Didn't you call? They should know you won't stand this crap!" Val exclaimed dramatically, which made my eyes roll. In secret, I was proud of her sense of sarcasm and music taste.

"Yeah, go Purple Lloyd!" I snorted while trying to block the whiny vocals out of my head. Oh, the joys of multi-tasking! I didn't have to multi-task, however, as soon as the door opened. Jonesy was there, smiling in that usual cocky way. I could see the old, irresponsible kid in him for just a moment.

"I knew you'd guys would come back." He chuckled, opening the door a little wider. "Isn't it cold out there? Come on, the kids are upstairs. Never mind what happened last night."

"Oh, we KNOW the kids are upstairs." I couldn't help saying, welcoming myself in. Jonesy sighed, shaking his head a bit. "Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. She's never going to change, is she?"

Not much, no. It's a shame that you have, though.

Val walked up the stairs, albeit a bit slowly. I wouldn't blame her for how badly last night had gone. After she had gotten so high up that the banister hid her, I turned back to Jonesy. Was it just me, or did he look a lot more worn out since he got with Caitlin?

"So, uh…well, how's life?" I could feel myself getting more and more humble, my face filling with blood. He didn't seem to notice much.

"Busy. I'm actually keeping jobs now!" Jonesy laughed awkwardly, and I only followed his lead. This was weird, but it would have to be. When the laughter died, it was quiet for a few moments, much like the silence Val and I shared a couple hours ago. Only this one was foreign; stranger than fiction.

"Actually, it's sort of funny. I'm the one telling Caitlin to get with it. She jumps around so much; I can't keep up with the work numbers anymore and…yeah." A more solemn expression fell upon him. Some kind of light, a form of optimism and hope seemed to go out around this man in front of me. Before he had gone, Jonesy was actually a happy-go-lucky sort of guy. He was what most would call a womanizer (and that was why we broke up in the first place), arrogant…but never bad, never absolutely unhappy.

While he still wasn't what you would call 'evil', I could see the unhappiness. For a second, I almost wanted to take that away from him.

I knew the only way to do that was the impossible, totally uncool way. So I didn't do a thing.

"I'm sorry. Things must get complicated." I said, but Jonesy only nodded. Awkward, too-quiet silence fell over us again.

"Let's not get too into the darker subjects at a reunion. Come on; let's go out for some breakfast!" Jonesy grinned, which seemed to me that he would like that. But it fell, and I felt annoyed.

"What's the matter?" I asked, pushing the irate part of me away.

"Caitlin. She might not want that, since you and I are..." He took two fingers, moving them apart from each other. "And she can't handle five kids with just Diego and Jen."

It was my turn to shake my head. "Jonesy, Jonesy, Jonesy. How much you've changed. I'm only thinking we should get reacquainted, since we haven't really talked much for…what, 10 years? That's all."

He seemed shocked to hear the 'change' line, which made him whip out his cell phone. "Alright, but no funny business, understand?"

"Understood, Mister. I'll take us in my car." I was brilliant.


	4. Reacquainting

"With this car, I'd say you didn't travel much as expected…" Jonesy joked, which earned him a glare. "Actually, this Subaru '92 helped me more than a little bit on my trip to Lithuania a couple months ago." Ooh, good, he looked surprised. I would be shocked if he got to go outside of Canada with Caitlin; she couldn't stand anything less than an apartment. Holiday Inn wasn't her.

"Is that place even a country?!" He half-yelled as I drove down the hill from his house, of which was further proof of Caitlin's dislike of non-extravagant things. That hadn't changed about her, but that wasn't really great.

"It is, Mr. National Geographic. Fish have fins, too, in case you weren't aware." I bit back in my usual style. That was payback for dissing my car! Apparently, Jonesy caught that and BONK!; a hand bouncing off the back of my head.

"You did NOT!" I gasped playfully, hitting him back in the shoulder. "I so did." He replied, poking me in the ribs. "That's it; I'm suing for hara-ahh!." My foot stabbed into the brakes, realizing that horns were honking and hollering at us. The guy next to us with a toothbrush mustache was turning red with rage. _Must be on the freeway already._

"What grouches…" Jonesy grumbled, and I groaned in agreement. "I know; people are so cranky. Wonder what stick went up their – Jonesy!" I gaped as I witnessed him blowing raspberries at the people behind us. If it were Val or somebody else doing that, I would snap, '"What are you? Four years old?"', but this only made me laugh.

Because guess whose back.

"Come on, the police are going to be so pissed!" My voice struggled to be stern, but failed when a snort followed halfway through.

"Who cares about the police? It's about time these people see some fun!" Ah, what the hell, I figured. Soon enough, we were laughing, driving, blowing raspberries at passersby's together.

"Hey, hey, watch this!" I giggled, putting my hand up to my forehead and eyes swarming at the back of my head. I looked like a dead one-antlered moose, from what I could see from the rearview mirror. Fellow drivers glared, sneered, swore and maybe two smiled, but neither of us cared that much.

It was hard to believe, but the same person I had been having awkward, if not any, conversation with for 10 years had become my best friend again in 10 minutes.

"Fun's over!" Jonesy yelled as tell-tale sirens came toward us. "Crap…" I spoke because I was getting pulled over. The 31st mark on the old permanent record.

"Switch spots with me, Jonesy."

"Why? Are you pushing this on me now?" he asked, whispering hastily for some reason. It must've been the tense atmosphere.

"You started it, now hurry!" I snapped, jumping over to the passenger's seat, practically in his lap. "Alright, alright! Don't get all hissy." After a bit of arranging, we got in our respective spaces.

A big policeman started ambling (more like waddling) down by the curb, taking his sweet time to get to the car. "I've got this." With that, Jonesy's hand dove into the open pocket of my backpack and hid something (maybe two things?) in his fist. "Hey! What're you doing? That's called violating peoples' privacy, you know."

"You'll see."

The policeman finally came up to the window and Jonesy had the _utmost_ courtesy to roll it down. "Sir, I got several phone calls saying you were disturbing the peace with your lady friend here."

The lady friend comment made my eyebrow twitch, but I tried to disregard it. I had always hated it when I was called something as sexist as that.

Jonesy sniffed, looking up at this burly guy with watering eyes. "I'm so sorry, Mister. This is my sister and w-we have a disorder where we have these ticks! We can't help it!" His face buried into his eyes, starting to bawl. A couple squeezes of his fist came, which was not noticed by the police officer. In fact, he looked like had been caught in headlights.

"I'm sorry, Sir, I really am. Look, I'll excuse it this time!" The police officer stammered a bit, but managed to get it all out. Jonesy's head lifted up, and I wasn't surprised to see tears coming down his eyes.

The 'crying' was made convincing by the eye drops for my contacts. Haha. With the officer still deceived, an appreciative look crossed Jonesy's eyes as he meekly smiled.

"Thank you so much. Not everybody," Fake sniff, fake sniff. "Understands what we go through…thank you." I nodded along with what he said, trying to make myself appear earnest.

"Resume with your morning. God bless you two." With that, the police officer left. A brief silence overcame us as we headed further down the road.

"What an amazing, teary performance. Are you ready for your Oscar nomination?" I spoke out of the quiet, which cracked a signature Jonesy half-smile.

"Ready for YOUR Razzie award? It's in the back." he only picked on.

"Drop dead, Tom Hanks."

***

Not surprisingly, Jonesy refused to get out of the driver's seat after the Tourette's play. But we had already gotten in enough trouble; so I let him drive us to, again not surprising, the Galleria Mall.

Walking in there, I thought, _Why the hell am I having a good time with the same person that cheated on me with a Malibu girl? The same exact guy that left me with a 2-year-old; why am I so happy? _There wasn't much reason behind the silent question, other than the flood of memories that dumped on me when I saw that the mall hadn't changed a bit (other than the renovation of the Vomit Comet. Happened every five minutes, it seemed.)

But those thoughts stopped as soon as I remembered the eye drops and something else Jonesy grabbed. What was it? From what I could immediately see, there was still something in his hand.

"Did you grab something else out of my bag?" I asked, getting to the point.

"Uh, no…" There was that look, the one he got when he was lying.

"Then what's in your hand? Show me."

Jonesy stopped, taking a deep breath. Still powerless over me, huh? Well, he opened his hand reluctantly, revealing the same exact little photo album that Val had been looking at just that morning.

I blinked a few times, not really comprehending why he would want it. At least not immediately, I didn't. When several seconds had passed, I knew. Well, sure enough, Kylie was lying when she said _that_ the night before.

"Oh. Alright." I let the matter go. Yes, he took something important from my pack, but didn't he sort of have a right to know what's been going on? Maybe not, but for some reason, I wanted him to see everything he left behind.

"You're not mad…" Jonesy said, though it seemed half to himself. I didn't answer, because I had no idea whether I was or not yet.

"How about Taco Shack for some food?" The topic switched at my demand. It was better to bring things up over food, anyway. Whether Jonesy agreed secretly to my theory or just loved the idea of Taco Shack, he smiled and nodded enthusiastically anyway.

**

_Well, this is a surprise. _

A girl with stick-straight brown hair and a tacky taco hat stood in front of us. Her nametag said 'JULIE' and was a bit faded. The head gear was gone, but she otherwise looked the same. God, I hoped she didn't hack spit in our tacos.

She looked friendly, though, looking us in the eyes and half-cheering, "Welcome to Taco Shack, how may I help you?" Good thing; she didn't recognize either Jonesy or myself.

"Just a regular bean burrito, thanks." Paid, bought and sold. No spit.

"Mondo Burrito with everything in there." Paid, bought and sold. Julie must have recognized his usual because I swear I heard a muffled patter of mucus as Jonesy's burrito was being made. How could he NOT realize the glob in his food?!

The two of us sat on an oblong, two-person table in the middle of the food court. Even if it was only the brink between early and late morning, many people were eating and chatting around us. This was perfect timing.

"Hey, Jonesy, take out that little photo album, will you?" I asked casually as I whipped my palm out. Easy as that, he gave it to me and I began to stare intently through the pages. Even if I couldn't stand to look at some.

After some silent munching and my page-turning becoming more impatient, Jonesy finally spoke up. "Can I look?" I grinned, closing it. I could tell in his eyes that he thought I would say no.

"Yeah, I guess. Just be careful." I passed the diminutive pocketbook over the table, where he immediately began looking through the pictures. The first couple pictures made him grimace slightly; Jonesy flipped through those as quickly as possible. However, by the near-middle, his eyes seemed to…change somehow. I couldn't quite explain the emotion that they switched over to.

"You really did go to Lithuania." He stated as if it were fact, showing me the picture. Val had been wearing her first pair of heavy clothes in the snow. I remembered how amazed she was to see so much; Arizona hadn't had more than a few flakes in her lifetime. And for that reason, she had the biggest smile I had ever seen in anybody at any time.

"We did", was all I said in response.

"And where did you go…" Jonesy flipped back some pages, showing me another picture. "…there?"

"Kenya. That picture was taken right before Val started screaming." And how did I remember it was an African picture? Because we were on the biggest elephant in the whole reservation. Jonesy seemed to like this the best, because he chuckled a little bit after hearing the story behind it.

I scooted over next to my found-again best friend, pointing out all the pictures. Most of them of his interest were pictures of Val. This wasn't surprising at all. It was exactly what I expected, and wanted most of all.

Another not-so-shocking discovery was that not only Jonesy, but I as well, flipped furiously past pictures of the gang; snapshots of us. We were afraid of our past: it reminded us all too well of what life was before everything went wrong. I didn't want to remember the good times and compare them to the nightmare after.

But here's the funny, more shocking thing: everything seemed so perfectly natural anyway. We didn't feel afraid to be next to each other anymore; unbothered to be barely touching and being humored by the Heaven out of the Hell we dumped ourselves into. _I __**have**__ to thank her later for this. _

"And that's about it: Canada, US, Australia, Lithuania, Kenya, Germany and all." I…excuse me, _we_ finished, dropping the book into my backpack and zipping it up for what I hoped was the last time that day.

But, of course, that didn't mean the fun was gonna get cooped up in the pack, too.


	5. Caitlin

What was supposed to be a brief reintroduction over breakfast turned into a kiddie rendezvous until 5 in the evening. The Vomit Comet was much too fun (for me, that is) to get off.

"Has this ride gotten faster or what?!" Jonesy squeaked as we went by all the quick parts. "They NEVER have renovations, so why would they?" I yelled back sardonically, hooting as we sped down a gigantic hill. Right after that 10th ride, Jonesy jumped out of the car to chuck everything up. _Looks like somebody hasn't gotten out recently._

"I swear, I puked up every meal I've ever had!" he whined, holding his stomach gingerly as we walked to the bench. Oh, please. "Don't be such a baby. You're getting like Wyatt when he was a kid."

Jonesy looked aghast, if not totally offended. "I am NOT! I've just…just got a weak stomach over the years. Bet his is bad as we speak!"

"Actually, I talk with him, so I would know that he doesn't. He owns a tattoo parlor in Quebec. Still only got that little note on his arm, but Wyatt really is filling out into the tattoo artist physique."

"What do you mean by that?" He sounded meek now, as if about to be defeated.

"I mean that he's gotten buff since you last saw him. It's actually kind of funny, but he's same old Wyatt." Jonesy frowned in response to that, and I thought it was because his leader role was taken down since some years ago.

"Why doesn't he talk to me anymore? We gave him our cell phone numbers before moving outside town." He asked and my eyes widened. Anything, anything but this discussion!

"Wyatt was busy after we left and – "

"He didn't go to college for long, and he didn't have a parlor until after him and I stopped talking. I would've known!" What was up with him being difficult about things like this?

I took a breath, getting ready for some certain hurt. "He was on my side when we broke up. He was mad at you." I said outright, figuring it wasn't worth it to lie anymore.

Jonesy looked like he didn't understand at first. After that, however, he turned back to normal. "Oh." Even if the changes weren't written all over him, I would find them bit-by-bit after this conversation later in time.

**

"I know I was supposed to, but – Caitlin, I'm sorry, we were – no, no, no! It's not like that! Hello?...You there?..."

Dusk was starting to fall over us at about 5:30, since it was only January. Thank God I wasn't the one arguing with my significant other, but I still had to use my [just wonderful] eyesight to get back to the house.

"She mad at you?" I murmured, looking straight at the road to avoid much eye contact. I hated Caitlin, and I wasn't afraid to admit it. My eyes didn't want to meet Jonesy's, or the possibility that he seemed content.

But instead, I heard a low, angry whimper-growl. It sounded vaguely like an animal.

"Jonesy?"

"Yeah, sorry, she's just…like that." I responded with a grunt. I was sure my heart was safe, so I turned my head over to look at this person of whom I spent possibly one of the best days of my life with that day.

Instead of looking like the kid he did just two hours ago on our fourth round on the Vomit Comet, Jonesy looked too old for his age. Wrinkles were practically carved into his forehead and his brown eyes weren't lively anymore. The spark in them was gone; just like that.

"Don't look at me like that. Caitlin's just mad; she'll get over it." With some embarrassment, I patted his hand a couple times. I couldn't help it, though: the urge to touch him had overtaken me all of a sudden. I wasn't falling for him again, I would never, ever, ever...I hope.

"That's not it, Nikki. It's that she's…she's just…" he stuttered, murmuring to his lap.

"She's just what?" I asked with a soft tone to the question. It sounded so different, and that told me once again that I didn't do these acts of kindness enough. I was also surprised, yet so horrified, to realize I only became like this because Jonesy was around. He actually made me better, and that was scary to face in spite of what had just gone on.

The present could become the past was at any time. And the past was a bitch.

"Eh…never mind. I'm sorry, it's just sort of hard having three kids and a wife." It was my turn to look 'old' now, only I looked like a really mad one.

"You have FOUR kids. FOUR." I half-snarled, holding that number of fingers up as I drove down the exit of the freeway. After all that in the morning, how DARE he exclude her?!

"No. Three daughters." That's when I realized what had happened. All of the Garcia kids were Latina; Alyssa, Emily and Val were all that way. But Malcolm, the younger one, was a fair-skinned blonde boy. I would've thought he took after Caitlin, but instead, he took after Karma. Ouch.

"I'm sorry." _No, you shouldn't be. Don't be sorry because he did it, too, to you! Why are feeling sorry for him? _I felt almost dizzy beating up myself as I struggled to drive up the hill and park in front of the house. Something in me was telling me to take Jonesy away from here, but my head was saying it was a stupid idea.

I listened to it.

"It's okay. The whole thing wasn't what she planned. I forgave her. It's over with." Right after he said that, the gas shut off near the driveway. I was here and ready for a second try at dinner.

When Jonesy and I walked in, Caitlin was right in the kitchen glaring like she would never have a chance to again. "Better get dressed up, Jonesy."

He frowned, glaring back. "Why?"

Emily appeared out of the blue, grabbing her father's hand and looking up at him. "We're going out tonight because Mom didn't wanna make dinner without you helpin'." God, what a picky woman!

Jonesy seemed to think so, too, because he sighed and went upstairs. "I'm not going into anything fancy, though, Cait!" he hollered down the stairs. She shrugged and turned around to put on a coat.

"So, Nikki. How's life lately?" she asked, sounding much too friendly, even for Caitlin. I was unsure if she'd turn venomous or not.

"Okay." I responded curtly, looking up the stairs for no apparent reason.

"So am I, in fact, I'm doing wonderfully! I'm SO glad we could be friends throughout all these years!" Yeah, she was being sarcastic. I bit my tongue and made myself not bite hers off.

"I think I'm going to get 'dressed up' for dinner." I left upstairs, not knowing what kind of crap would go on in less than an hour.


	6. To Read

The first of the nuisances started with Val. Everyone else was getting ready for the night out in different rooms, while she had only gotten as far as a denim skirt (Forbid! Did I actually buy that from where I thought I did?).

"I won't like anything there." "I'm not hungry." "I just don't feel like it." "My stomach hurts." "Oh, did you hear the sky falling down on the roof? I did. Bad idea, Mom, really bad."

So maybe she didn't say the last one. But even with her, uh, new friend in town, cramps had nothing to do with it. Val had _that_ look; like the one Wyatt often got when he was questioned about a new girlfriend (prefer deer-in-headlights analogy? Go right ahead, because it's no different.)

"Nobody but you and I will know. Just look at the menu for a little bit and say you want macaroni and cheese and a Sprite. Something like that, okay?"

A shake of the head was given right back to me, which just said that my wisdom had failed. Maybe not a foolproof plan, but seriously, what restaurant did NOT have macaroni and Sprite?

"I don't want to make a fool out of myself, that's all. Really, I do that enough without help from a menu." She sighed, playing with the hem of the shirt on the ground.

I felt like giving a huff myself, but didn't want to show my frustration. _Supportive, supportive…_I remembered that one parenting coach's voice in my head. She was annoying with her flaw-picking, but she had given me some way to reign my life. At that time, I wasn't quite the queen of it.

"You won't make yourself look like a fool. Everyone has their problems, and this just happens to be one of yours. Understand?"

She didn't answer me. Oh God, here come my worst peeve of all that a child can do.

Her head whipped around, lower lip sticking out in that pitiful way. Her eyes were wide and shiny with alligator tears, looking solemn and even partially pissed off. Oh, screw the parenting coach.

"You know what, turn the pout _off_ and let's get _out_. Oh, and get the shirt on, too. Even A-cups will get the boys somewhere."

Within seconds, the white shirt and denim vest was on and that nasty little pout was replaced with a more-neutral expression. I knew that coach didn't know a thing.

"Okay, everybody," Jen spoke as if she were on a big podium "It's time to go out to dinner." Sounded like there was a big speech coming up, too. Only Jen could make that out of eating dinner at a money-swallowing steak machine of a restaurant.

"Diego, Robbie, drive your guys' car." Jen ordered, which the two boys gave each other a high-five. "No kiddies following us this time." I heard them snicker. Cute 20-somethings, them!

"Caitlin and Jo-"

"AHEM!" Apparently, Cait was still steamed about Jonesy being late. Pretty pathetic, I would say. Therefore, my second annoyance of the night.

"Uh…okay, Caitlin and I, along with her own children." Jen edited, and looked half-displeased to get off that schedule. "Nikki and the rest will be riding with her. My mother will stay here in case there are problems. Any objections?"

"No objections." Everybody spoke, like they were in church and under the undoubted authority of Jesus Jen. I had objections, yes, but unlike my younger years, I didn't feel it was necessary to speak them. _But why, Nikki? Tell us why you object_! I could imagine Jen asking if I spoke out, and I could fantasize my answer.

Because your sister, my kid and my ex would drop 10 more years on my car, it would cause so much trauma.

**

Getting in the car, surprisingly, was not a struggle. Everybody assembled peacefully, ready for some pre-heated meat-eating fun.

"Right off the highway and off to the left?" I asked, turning to Jonesy while my engine revved up.

"Yeah, exactly." He murmured, leaning back into his passenger seat. I forgot about him and started my way towards our destination of Meat Slab Central. In the backseat, Kylie was occupied with one of those Game Boy things. I was surprised not to see Val looking over her shoulder keenly, trying to read the words. Instead, her eyes followed the trees, cars and houses passing by behind us, half-angry and half-forlorn. Going back in time 10 years ago, I remembered catching myself in the mirror in the same way.

_You don't need to go back in time. Sure, you can't fix it now, but it's gone. The end. Now stop thinking about the damn thing. _

I really did need to let it go, but it was harder than I thought to drop something like that. I had been betrayed; dropped from the list from somebody I had trusted since childhood. But now…he could be my friend again like in the old days. Normally, there would be no chance of it. This was Jonesy, though. He was the only person I needed to have back in my life somehow, somewhere.

"Nikki." He mumbled, where I snapped out of my thoughts quickly.

"What?"

A silence followed for years, it seemed. Behind us, Val and Kylie did not notice a thing.

"What are you thinking about?" Wow. That was a question I had never heard from him. I suppose giving-a-damn came with being 30-something.

"Nothing, really. Just thinking of times LONG ago." Losing my sense of sarcasm did not come with the 30-something package, apparently. Thank God.

Jonesy's lip quivered for a second, something that anybody could notice. Then he was just plain uncomfortable, telling from the uneasy creases of his face. My conscious scolded me, even if they were the first ones to think of what a monster this man was.

But he wasn't monstrous in his position now; just an ashamed boy. Maybe my head felt bad and wanted to dump all the blame on myself now.

"I'm sorry." Anguish littered his voice unlike it had ever gotten, right at the stoplight on the freeway. His hand dove under the armrest, discreetly grabbing my hand. I was shocked, both in the most horrible way and in the greatest sting of it. Either way, I tried to jerk back, but his grip tightened. My heart throbbed painfully; that little tug that I wished that I didn't like anymore.

"Really."

There were no words to respond to that. My hand withdrew from his reluctantly as I hit the gas. I decided to act clueless later, but Jonesy decided now was the time.

"The whole entire thing, I'm sorry for," he mumbled in a hushed, close to muffled tone. "I didn't mean for it to go that far." Still, I remained quiet, for fear that Val (or worse, Kylie) was listening in. Apparently, Val had spaced out indefinitely and Kylie was listening to her MP3 player. This was the power of Jesus Jen, wasn't it?!

"It doesn't matter anymore, Jonesy. We have our respective lives now, so it's in the past." I spoke just as quietly, trying to be soothing. I don't think I did such a good job, though: he looked even more upset and directed himself forward. Stiffer all over than a board could ever be, we were silent. All was silent.

You would think it was still peaceful in my little Subaru. But in my head, that was where the peace ended. Therefore, the third thing that pissed me off if ever so slightly that night.

Oh, but as soon as I took that left and saw a sushi restaurant, I KNEW this would be number 4 on this list.

**

"I thought you didn't LIKE sushi?" Jen asked Caitlin, her voice straining a bit. Nobody really liked sushi (including me. Must have been my parents being the Asians that they are.), but it wasn't especially my worry. The fear was that Asian restaurants did NOT serve macaroni and cheese. Val would be utterly humiliated, even more so than usual knowing my PMS that probably passed onto her, and then this whole reunion thing would make her cry once again. More than usual, too, like I said.

"I didn't, but since I had Malcolm, I've LOVED it!" Caitlin squealed, smiling slightly. It fell for a minute as she realized nobody else liked what she did now. "Oh…you don't like it, do you?..."

"Well, honestly…"

"No, honey, it's fine. We're going to be open-minded about this, right?" Jonesy popped up out of nowhere, smiling as if trying to convince others to follow in on his bullshit.

I don't know if he was being a pig or just preventing upset, but it annoyed me nonetheless. With that big chunk of drama in the car, he had to just 'keep the peace' now, huh? Number 5. (At this point, I was suspecting that I was acting like the jealous bitch in this situation, if not just _slightly_ irrational.)

Caitlin grinned and nodded, kissing him on the cheek. She has forgiven, and that was probably what Jonesy was planning to get her to do. Even so, everyone followed along, including the kids to a table.

"En-JOY!" an old Chinese man practically yelled after he had passed out the menus. Malcolm had jumped, it startled him that much. Immediately, the whimpers started coming out of him and Caitlin quickly grabbed a hold of her son.

"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!" she fumbled, as if doing this for the first time. It only made him start to scream. Everybody turned, looking at the toddler who was pretty much going to lose his head from bawling. At first, I highly doubted it was her that sent Malcolm on an outright streak of tears.

"Hush, Malcolm, shh…oh man, Jonesy, can you help me!" she called, exasperated after less than a minute. I felt sort of bad for her, to my surprise; Caitlin really could not pull the housewife act well.

"But he's your – "

"Please!" she howled, looking like she was about to cry by now. The last time I had ever gotten that way was when Val had a nasty case of bronchitis when she was 4.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Jonesy backed up, taking the screaming blond boy into his lap and pointing out the window. "See that big green car?"

For a moment, Malcolm sniffled, but did not respond other than with a howl. "You can't see it if you're crying! Look. What is it?"

After a few seconds, he stopped crying and looked outside, eyeing the Jeep that was being pointed to. "Deeep!"

"Yup! Now what's the car right next to it?"

"Blue."

"I know, but what brand is it, Malcolm?"

The boy, now totally forgetting his little episode, squinted and looked deep in thought. "Voks-wageen."

"That's right. Now go sit down and be good." And that's just what the kid did. I almost felt jealous for real this time, seeing Jonesy being able to calm a toddler in minutes. How could anybody do that?!

"Wel-COME! How help YOU?" The same waiter came up, holding a notepad in his hand. Malcolm's face soured for a moment, but then changed into a meek smile. However, Val next to me was wriggling in her seat, looking very uneasy. Shit, I forgot to help her with the order!

"Sweet and sour chicken." All of the girls piped up, except for Val. She probably hadn't even opened her menu, knowing how she relied on me to read for her. _Look who's not great at the mothering thing AT ALL. _

The waiter turned her way, and I could feel my heart practically jump out of my chest. God, don't humiliate this child, please God…

"I'll have the same thing." Val said clearly, half-smiling to put on an I'm-totally-okay show. Thanks, God. You're a dude.

"…WHAT you WANT?" The waiter started to look irritated. Like they hadn't spoken loud enough at all, Sir.

"Sweet and sour chicken." Val said even louder, leaning closer into the table so the old man could hear.

"I barely English. Me take look?" Oh no, oh no, no, no!

"Uh…" Val was centered in on the action, and she turned beet red on the spot. Everyone stared expectantly, but nobody tried to help.

"Here, it's – " My hands grappled for the menu, looking through it quickly, until I found the picture of the dish and pointed it out. From there, all of us ordered, and I was relieved to see that nobody had made any comments or started laughing. Perhaps my annoyance list would just stop here?

Yes. But no.


	7. Explode

To start out our dinner, Caitlin ordered a huge wasabi and fish platter, despite her experiences with it back in the day. I made an honest effort to eat all I could without gagging. It looked like everybody else did as well, except for Caitlin, Val and Malcolm. Well, HE just outright said it honestly.

"Nasty, Mommy, nasty, nasty! Nasty shoe-she!" It was as if his mom were eating out of a Phoenix garbage can. And trust me; those were overflowing right as I sat at the table.

So that left Caitlin and Val, who ate contentedly and talked about how good their Nemo slaughter meal was.

"I really like the pink stuff with the seaweed. Don't you think it's kinda good?" I heard Val mention as she stabbed her chopstick into that 'pink stuff' and stuffed it in her mouth.

"Ooh, the ginger and the seaweed _is _good! Oh, and this wasabi isn't bad, either! Not too hot at all!" Just to prove it, Caitlin scooped a glob between the chopsticks and placed it gingerly on her tongue.

"If you put that in your mouth, I promise that you will be picking up your own puke." My head ducked to her ear, whispering harshly.

But yet, she did. Val's face puckered, her eyes coming to a tight close. A slight shudder came over her body as she bore it all down. I found myself holding my breath, ready to relive the fish spew once again. My stomach flipped knowing it was coming up in just seconds.

I was wrong. She straightened to normal, opening her lids up again. The ivory of Val's eyes had turned slightly pink from the hotness of the wasabi, and a too-bright sheen spread over them.

"That was _hot_!" Her voice was parched, but a hint of mischief brightened it. Caitlin giggled, amused by the whole freak show.

"So much more charming than your father after all…" I heard her murmur under her breath. The fire inside my chest smoldered, about ready to slip out in little places.

It flared even more as Jonesy's amused expression turned to a grey, hurt demeanor. An attack on him, using _my daughter_? Screw little places, this was a devour-the-bitch eruption.

"Really, Caitlin! That's funny, because he did happen to charm you into a couple kids, right?"

Everyone gasped, excluding Malcolm, who only looked in amazement. Caitlin's face turned red with anger, while Jonesy only gaped at me. Jen looked aghast herself.

"Nikki…just calm down, she – "

"Jen, I love you and all, but no!" I found myself hollering and burning into Caitlin's eyes. They were starting to turn numb with my bite.

"Please, just sit down and we'll have a nice dinner!" Jen stressed, looking horribly afraid for what was about to happen. I ignored her, but glared even closer into those vomit-green eyes.

"If you dare use my daughter to insult anybody...ever again..." I hissed, standing to my feet with a fork in hand. So be it if Kylie was burning holes into my head; nobody gets away with all of what Caitlin had done to ruin me.

She said nothing as her head bowed, obviously planning to resume eating. All was silent, including around the restaurant when I finally sat down. I wasn't guilty; not yet. What I had told her was straight-forward. No love about it, no Sir. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

Val stormed away staring at the ground. Jonesy watched after, than looked at me broodingly; expectantly. Maybe there _was_ something for me to be ashamed of.

**

Our 'pleasant' meal ended just minutes later. We all got back into our respective cars, except for one change.

"Nikki, Val is going to go along with me. Take Kylie still, though, please." Jen spoke, looking more serious than usual.

"Why? She's my – "

"She's upset from your outburst at dinner." A curt, bitter answer, and yet another reason to feel badly. And at this point, I did. After the scene, Jen had to go find her and hide by her side until it was time to go. When the two had finally come back, Val looked pale and lost.

"I'm sorry, Val…" I murmured to her inside the place, but her head whipped away from me. Ouch.

"Can't we talk about this, babe?" Déjà vu.

Val turned back around at the old endearing nickname and glared. "Don't call me that. Ever."

My patience started trickling out the window by now, and I found myself glaring right back. "Don't talk to me like that. Ever." I mimicked.

"But I will, because you do the same exact thing! You can't do something and tell someone else not to do it!" she growled, steadily getting louder.

"Valerie Ann, don't even…"

"Don't even WHAT?"

"Don't even _try_ to dictate what I can and can't do!"

At this comeback, Val scoffed in that way that reminded me terribly of The Clones. "There you go again, doing things that you say not to!"

_That's it, Missy, you took the princess act way too far._ My hand gripped hard onto her arm, whilst she tried to get away. "Le'ggo of me!"

"Not until you say you're sorry!"

"No! I have nothing to apologize for, you embarrassed me!"

"I was defending you, you ungrateful little…"

Before I could realize it, I felt myself tumble slightly backwards. My grasp, however, did not loosen at all from the firm, strong push. I felt a hand still on my shoulder, and saw an arm locked in a vice grip against Val.

"She said to let go, Nikki." Jonesy spoke up. That brooding glint was replaced with a fiery, protective blaze in his eyes. I had never been afraid of him like I was then, but I still did not let go.

Apparently, I had no choice in the matter as Jonesy actually whipped my hand off her. "Be nice to little girls. 'Specially mine."

Sharp-tongued Nikki had nothing to say, nothing to do but cower away from him. He was so different. I know I had been thinking that a lot, but this time, it was so good, but yet so bad.

**

I nodded towards Jen, understanding why just about everybody would be mad at me. "Okay. That's fine." I mumbled, turning towards my car. Jonesy and Kylie were already in there, where the latter had already popped in her bubblegum pop. My stomach flopped, worried about what explosion was coming up for me.

But when I got in the car, no explosion came. Jonesy only looked sullenly out the window, looking as lost as Val had earlier. All was silent, other than Kylie humming to her MP3 and playing with her Game Boy.

Sometimes I hate myself for speaking. This was one of those times.


	8. Go

"I can't believe you!"

Jonesy ducked away from the chair that had been chucked at him and a crack splintered through the room, but there was no hearing its cry.

"How could you do this to me? How could you do it to _yourself?!_" All you could hear in that little house was screaming and the sounds of obnoxious beating hearts. Your average Ontarian household had crumbled in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, maybe months. Watches could not tell lies, after all, so why the hell bother? Time wasn't relevant.

"C-Can't we talk about this, babe?"

"No! You've done enough talking RIGHT there." Five strikes make a fist, buddy; you're out - of breath. It lunged into his stomach, causing that little boy to drop and howl. Nowhere near a man, writhing on the ground so pitifully like that.

"Answer my question. _How could you do this to me?_"

Then came a cough. "I'm sorry, Nikki…"

"No, you aren't. You'll never be sorry enough, not even now."

Not even now.

Not even now.

**

The drive that should have taken just a few minutes was now going for the turn of an hour. Kylie had slumped over onto the window, fallen fast asleep so she wouldn't notice the length of our ride. It was still silent, even after this long. I wanted to get out of it, but yet, I needed to wait until somebody spoke.

It was time I said something.

"I'm sorry, Jonesy…"

"You should be." He replied, brooding once again. Only this time, you could hear it.

Like those rare occasions where I was truly unsure what to say, I caught my lower lip between my teeth. What to say, what to do, and what to whatever else you want; it was on my mind.

"Why can't she read, first of all?" Jonesy prodded, terribly suspicious.

"She's dyslexic." I answered. I sounded like a steel plate, just standing there and turning colder by the second under the spotlight.

Quiet for awhile, but then a sigh came after just a dozen awkward seconds. "And this has been diagnosed by a proper doctor?"

No.

"Well, uh, she doesn't really want to start and never did. So I guess she can't do it."

"Don't beat around the bush, Nik. Tell me why she can't read." More and more frustrated, Jonesy was getting to that point that I hadn't completely seen.

I felt sick. It wasn't my fault that she couldn't do more than Dr. Seuss. The days of struggling to get her to just read more than that were chaotic. Full of hollering, kicking, crying and wishing I had somebody, anybody to save me from it all.

_You're whining now. Answer the question_, my mind scolded, giving my skull a generous kick.

"She can't read because she didn't want to." Didn't I say that before?

Jonesy turned to face me at the red light that spontaneously appeared, as if by fate or something. When I looked back, his eyes were searing through my guts. It made me uncomfortable; for fear that he could see my head swim. I wanted to know what happened to this morning, how it all went wrong like now.

"That's not completely why and I know it." He murmured so low, it was dangerous to smash it down any more. Green; go.

"That is why, Jonesy. I don't want to push my children into anything they don't want to do." It was the truth, right?

"No." Whoa, did he just answer what I thought in my head? "You're telling the truth, and you're not at the same time. What's gotten you?"

"What are you talking about? I really don't know what you're getting at!" I felt myself turning near-hysterical with annoyance. My pulse raced to the point where I could feel the blood pump through my gums, aching miserably with the pressure.

"You haven't changed a bit, Nikki. If you want to raise her, you need to pressure her into _something_. Nobody can go around without reading anymore." I didn't like this; he was talking to me like a child.

"She'll learn when she's ready." I defended both myself and my daughter. It was only my job to.

"When is that going to be?"

I lost it, right there and then. I screeched to the side of the street and turned completely, glaring to the point where I could barely see.

"Listen; do you even _know_ what's best for her? You're her father, yeah, but you've got such an attitude that you might just be blind to your own daughter." Or he was, at least.

Jonesy's eyes crinkled, giving me that old look again. "I do. I'm sorry for missing out, but we have to get past that – "

"See, that's what I'm talking about! You just think you can forget everything, but you can't! The past all matters to somebody!" I flailed desperately.

He turned into a boy next to me and glared hard, trying to give me the same bitterness I traded off. But he turned back to the man he came to be, and buried his face into one of his hands.

"You don't get it. You really don't understand." Undermining me was a mistake.

"No, I don't. But you know what, neither do you. You never will, not even if I put it all in front of your face and kept it there for you to look at and feel guilty for the rest of your life."

"No, seriously, you do not understand. Nikki, you haven't changed a bit." His face came out of his hand, stern and ready for a fight to be right.

"So? You've changed _a lot._ Not in the good way, either."

"Not changing is not growing up. You're the same as you were yesterday, the years before that and when we were kids. You dwell on the past, and when it was us. News flash: it's not anymore. Its Valerie now and you're too selfish to see that!"

He did not. Oh God, he didn't.

"And just look at you! You cheated on me for a Malibu Barbie, and you even let her off the hook for doing the same!"

"I'm right; you just dragged up something that wasn't even what we were talking about! You're practically bathing in your past! But you know what? You really know what, Nikki? I messed up. Caitlin messed up. Why do anymore damage by hashing up more ways to swim around in our life stories? I won't and can_not_!" Jonesy's cool had blown away, and he was now screaming at the top of his lungs.

I stopped, giving a deep look at what I was really doing. It was really that Jonesy had taken responsibility for what he had to…maybe not fully, but he had gotten a handle on what mistake he made. It was starting to click. But yet…

"Why would you stay with someone that puts you down like that? I don't understand, you…"

"I'm only trying to fix what I broke." He half-whispered, voice hoarse from yelling. "I'm not 6, 16 or 17 anymore. I'm 30 years old. Nobody man enough can get out of the holes I dug for myself until they act their age and commit."

Every word was starting to pang into my brain. This was right; what he was saying, but so wrong in my point-of-view. I couldn't comprehend anything but the words running through my head.

That example gave me my first concrete thought. _You can't comprehend because you are not mature. _

_You are 6teen. Seventeen. Still. _

I looked up at this person, the strongest one that I had ever known in my life yet. So many years ago, I would have never thought he would be the wisest; the bearer of mistakes and answers to them.

"…I only say this because I'm worried. You never got to properly know it." His hand grasped mine like it had before. When was it again? Once again, ironically, time was not relevant.

"I've loved you all along. But because of me, I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry."

My eyes blurred and I couldn't see anything but those eyes. They were the only ones I truly knew. They were his. They were my daughter's. Those two people were each other in themselves. And God, did I love them so damned much.

Because of that, if I was going to let go of Jonesy, I would have to let Val loose.

I had to let go of my death grip on her arm.

I had to let go of the past.

I had to let go.

And so I did.


	9. Goodbye, My Love

Exiting my little Subaru, Jonesy went to the back of the car and opened the door. He turned to me, his eyes sparkling concern. "Are you sure you want to do this? We have no problem with her being here with us, but I don't want her to get all scared if you change your mind."

I sighed, rubbing my temples. A real party was going on in there; jump for joy, everyone! Nikki's under pressure!

"Yes. I have to do this; she needs someone stronger than me."

With a slight hesitation, Jonesy returned to his job of scooping up his sleeping sister and going up the steps. I saw his chest heave when he stopped at the door. For a moment, a flicker of fear came in me as it looked like he was going to drop Kylie. Instead, in his silhouette, a thin tear came down his cheek and he smiled lightly. It was the subdued, weaker version of the grin that he gave off when Val was born.

Something in me said that he would not let me down.

He opened the door right as I walked up behind him, and I realized everybody was waiting around for us. _Gee everyone; THANKS! _was my cheap, sarcastic thought.

"Nikki!" Jen whispered and smiled in relief. I could tell everybody was worried where we were; except Caitlin. She looked more pissed than Mr. T might look if you eyed him the wrong way. I realized that the phone call Jonesy had made to her just the hour before was very last-minute, but…well, I guess she had reason to be kind of mad this time. _Damn; thought you could make her into more of a jerk than she really is, huh? Is that right, Nikki? _

The condescending thoughts fled out the door when I witnessed Val curled up in Jen's lap, fast asleep with her head against her bosom. "It's okay, Jen; let me take her." I whispered back after some seconds. My heart lurched when I realized that this might be the last time I would witness my daughter sleep so peacefully. By now, Jonesy was totally forgotten behind me.

My hand reached to stroke her hair before I cradled her into my arms. "We're going to go up to the room, if that's alright with you guys." I murmured. Val's tiny body contorted against my breasts; exactly the same way she did as a baby.

Other than the soft dozing of all the children in the room, it was silent. Caitlin's eyes burned into me. _I know you've never done this, so it might be hard, but apologize. _

"Caitlin, I'm sorry about making so many big scenes in the last couple days, and for putting all of this on you. I really am."

She sighed, looking at the ground now. Her anger softened, but not much. "I'm sorry for my share of the scene back there. It wasn't good for any of the children to witness." I nodded my agreement, for once feeling a little more sympathetic towards her.

"But Nikki, I do not like the way you're just dumping your kid here. We have three already; we don't need more. You're gonna hurt her." She warned. _All respect lost; nothing of value was, though. _

"This isn't even any of your business any – "

"It is, Nikki." She growled, looking me straight in the eye. "But I love Jonesy and I love anything that is a part of him. That is why I'm letting your child stay here until you pick your sorry self up."

I was instantly pissed, but I knew that I deserved whatever was dished up for me. "Whatever you say." I mumbled, turning away upstairs.

"Goodnight." She said, for once not sugaring her innocent statements up.

_Sweet Fuckin' dreams._

**

The bed was cold when I got in it; probably because nobody had slept in it yet. The only warmth I found solace in was Val, who cuddled even closer to me when the comforter landed down on her. It was very stiff and heavy, encasing her whole body with cold. She started to shiver furiously.

"Poor baby…" I cooed in that soothing, motherly way. It sounded ridiculous out of my mouth and into my ears, but I knew that it was pleasant to hers. My arms only left her body to peel that freezing blanket off of her, and I encased her lithe, tiny body tighter in my arms.

The shivering instantly stopped and her head nuzzled closer into the valley between my breasts. "Mama…" Val's voice emerged from that place, only sounding sleepy.

"Are you awake?" I asked very quietly to not disturb her if she was only sleep-talking.

"I am now. It's freezing in here, but you're warm." She mumbled, turning her head upwards so her eyes meet mine.

"Same here, babe." I replied, stroking her hair. I held the burning tears in the backs of my eye sockets; she would sense something was wrong. _I can't do this I can't leave her my daughter my Valerie I can't do this I'm not strong enough – _

_Stop. _

"Valerie, there's something that I need to talk to you about." I said in my normal voice, though softer in pitch than usual. 12 years ago, I couldn't believe how much I could melt at the simple sight of her. It was a lot more understandable as time went by, but at this moment…I was tempted to ask myself, _Oh, where has mean old Nikki gone? Where, oh where, could she be? Oh, here she is. Right here all along, leaving her daughter all alone – _

_Stop. _

I felt her heart pound against my stomach, and it hurt me to realize she was so very afraid.

"What is it?" Her head raised, eyes glistening with terror.

"This isn't it, but…why do you look so scared? You're not in trouble."

She looked at me and studied my intentions; her brow crinkled as I could tell she was trying to analyze me. "I think it's because you call me by my real name when you're mad at me. And you have to talk to me about something. So I should be scared, I think."

I chuckled, pulling her up so her head was resting on my shoulder. "You're fine. I just need to talk to you."

"…Well?" she waited. I was taking big, gulping breaths. I had never been so scared to death to tell anybody anything, nonetheless a 12-year-old girl.

"Val, you're going to be staying with Jonesy for awhile. They live in a very nice place near a mall; this is just their summer house that they celebrate in. You'll like it, trust me."

There was silence, and my heart was at a heavy ease for just a moment. Her eyes locked into mine, and I could see the utter confusion there. The sheen of tears was coming, whether I liked it or not. _Keep it in. _

"How long?" she asked, probably expecting a sleepover or something. It broke my heart to think that this wasn't a sleepover.

"I don't know, babe. You see, my life isn't what it was supposed to be. I really screwed up, and so did your father. A lot of people did, and I haven't raised you right. I'm sorry that I did this…I'm sorry." My voice gradually got weaker and weaker, but the tears were held back by an emotional dam. I was glad I still had it after all these years.

Val blinked a few times, still staring straight into my eyes. "I don't get it. What do you mean? Your life isn't screwed up. You have me, don't you?" She was trying to reassure me. I couldn't explain the sad-pained-angry weight in my chest. Val really did not understand that I had to leave her behind.

I must have been silent for a couple minutes because she spoke up again, this time in a concerned tone.

"…Mom? Mom, you have me, right? You're not screwed up; Mom? Listen to me; you're fine!" Each question that she raised made her voice a little more hysterical.

"I'm not fine, babe. I've done this all wrong, and Jonesy is going to make it right. I'm leaving you here."

A gasp came from her lips, and I was absolutely heartbroken to see those tears form in her eyes. Not the alligator tears, but the actual pain that caught her in an unbreakable fold.

"You can't go!" Val whispered incredulously.

"I can, Val, and I have to." I told her, my own voice starting to sound slightly hysterical. "Do you not understand that you can't even read? That's MY fault, and not yours! You're not sick, and you're perfect, and I FUCKED it all up, do you understand that, Valerie Ann?!" I bawled and screamed, shaking a howling Val by the shoulders. Tears were falling down my cheeks, and there was no way to stop it.

"Answer me, Valerie!"

"NO!" she shrieked, throwing herself onto my torso with her hands knit together in prayer. "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mama! You can't go, you can't leave me, and you can't go!"

"I have to, baby; I'm so sorry." I cried as I hugged her close to me, my cries muffled against her shoulder and her hands still praying for God behind my back.

"You can't leave me, Mama; I love you! I love you, Mama, don't leave me! I'm nothing, I'm nothing…I'm nothing…" she repeated over and over again, calming down as she practically sang that mantra.

_I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I'm nothing._

"We'll both be something when I come back, Val. I promise you that. We will be something." I murmured, my voice still strained with the aftermath of bawling. That mantra she repeated was painful for me to hear; she really thought she was nothing without me.

Her exhausted, limp body fell onto mine, her head underneath my neck now. "What will we be, then?" she asked. It was a good question. What would we be?

"…We'll be together, and we'll be so much happier."

"I was happy before that, Mama; I really was. Now can you take me with you?" she begged. It broke my heart into another hundred pieces, but all tears were gone with the wind now. I simply sighed.

"I can't yet. I will come get you soon, though. It won't be for very long." I said, breathing in the clean, warm scent of her hair and the comfort of her body against my own.

"How long? Tell me how long." She asked; her voice was now neutral. It was as if nothing worse could hurt her now.

"I don't know, Val. I really don't know, but I do know it will not be for very long." I kissed the crown of her head, humming my own little lullaby into her.

"…Okay." she mumbled, but I wasn't sure if she believed me or not. Nonetheless, her voice was heavy with sleep again.

"I love you." I told her right in the middle of my humming, giving her a quick squeeze towards me. "I shall always love you." I repeated, thinking of the way my mother said just that on a bittersweet, fateful day that tied me and my mother together forever.

"I love you, too, Mom." She whispered, her breaths falling deeper and deeper as my lullaby continued. The melody went on and on until I was convinced she was asleep.

Even when I left, I was sure that the song I left her would reunite us in the end.


End file.
